The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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