He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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