normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
