Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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