A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
