You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
