Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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