she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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