Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
