That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He better not be in your backpack
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize