Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
