? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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