I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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