as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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