I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
