i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
