can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize