I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
