i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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