1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
