you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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