Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
