I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You are a genius and a whore.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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