if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
