Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm really busy with my period
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