some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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