Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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