I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
