Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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