Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
