I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
