I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
