I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
