Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize