i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
