yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
