pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
