I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
