I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
