In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so that wasnt chicken after all
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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