So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
