He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
