So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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