Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
