I love black thongs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
