I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
