Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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