I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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