Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
