I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
