hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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