and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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