I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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