you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
