it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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