that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need water and some morals
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