I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
