Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
