I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
