I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize