can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
