On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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