It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
