i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want her autograph on my taint
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
