I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
