it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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