Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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