Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
