she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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