Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is my gift to your gina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
