Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
