He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Small penises have feelings too.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
