It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
