I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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