My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
