He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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