you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
