hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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