what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
