I murdered the dance floor call the cops
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
