Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
