we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
