i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
