found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
