They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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