my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
