i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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