y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
