You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
