Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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