My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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