Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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