apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
