your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
