she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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