Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
