if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
