you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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