he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
