I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize