we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
