you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
