I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
