when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
