I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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