wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize