I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
