We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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