...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
