Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
