i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
