Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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