You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
