You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
