He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The Olympian is in my bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize