he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Two words: nipple clamps
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