Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize