Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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