You really coming over, don't trick.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
