I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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