she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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