my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
