I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
