As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
